he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
