everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
