its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
