I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
