ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
