your parents love me but you hate me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
