I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
