Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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