what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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