Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
