You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
