i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
