We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
