Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I checked into jail on foursquare
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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