you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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