we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
