There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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