it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We need to get me chipped asap
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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