Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
