K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
