Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
