i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
