I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
