I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
