I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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