and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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