the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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