i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
