my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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