As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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