You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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