I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
