sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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