walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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