Dual....:-)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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