Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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