A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
