I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
