Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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