He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
