He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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