But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i now understand why vodka
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
