Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
