Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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