I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
