sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
