I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
