this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
