i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
