every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
