don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
