"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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